Author Topic: Lets start with a smile  (Read 552512 times)

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2505 on: April 20, 2019, 07:17 PM »
 a man was going to be  best man at his friends  second  wedding and he was wondering if it would be appropriate to start his dinner speech  with  "welcome  back  every one"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2506 on: April 23, 2019, 12:26 AM »
it was  reported  that 2.345.537. people got married last year.  i don"t know where they got that information from,  but should t that be an even number??

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2507 on: April 23, 2019, 03:51 AM »
Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"

"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.

Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.

"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!"
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2508 on: April 23, 2019, 03:54 AM »
Little Mike, Jonny's cousin is worse than Jonny ever could be.

One day before Christmas little Mike was talking to his father. "You be good this year and not cuss so much, and maybe santa will bring you something really nice!" Little Mike's dad said with a smile. "If not you won't get anything nice"

"I already know what I want for Christmas dad! When I wake up on Christmas morning I want to wake up and see a new  effing BB gun at the foot of my effing bed!" little Mike said.

Little Mike's dad rolls his eyes.

"Then I want to go down stairs and see a effing toy train going around the effing Christmas tree!"

"Oh yeah?" His dad says.

"Yeah then I'll go out side and I want a effing new bike leaning up against the effing garage!"

"I wouldn't count on it young man, not after how you just talked."

When Christmas morning comes Mike wakes up. Laying at the foot of his bed is a steaming pile of dog shit! So he goes down stairs. Around the Christmas tree is a neatly arranged ring of dog shit. Then he goes outside and there by the garage is, you guessed it another pile of dog shit!

"DAMN!" Little Mike says, starting to cry.

"Well son did you learn a lesson?" Mikes dad asks.

"I don't know dad, I think I got a new puppy but I can't effing find it!"
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2509 on: April 23, 2019, 03:58 AM »
I asked my wife if I was the only one for her.


She replied "yes, all the others were nines and tens."

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2510 on: April 23, 2019, 03:58 AM »
I asked my wife the other day what was the one thing she really wanted to do with my body.


She replied: "Identify it."
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2511 on: April 23, 2019, 03:59 AM »
I asked my wife the other day what was the one thing she really wanted to do with my body.
She replied: "Bring flowers to it every month of so, well at least for the first year, after that it will be a bit like our sex life, your birthday and christmas"
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"