Author Topic: Lets start with a smile  (Read 572443 times)

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3102
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2475 on: March 25, 2019, 03:45 AM »
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3102
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2476 on: March 25, 2019, 03:46 AM »
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3102
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2477 on: March 25, 2019, 03:58 AM »
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1554
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2478 on: March 25, 2019, 05:57 PM »
a man took his wife  Mary out for dinner he had filet mignon and Mary had a little  lamb

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3102
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2479 on: March 26, 2019, 01:31 AM »
A chap with a stutter has passed away in prison.

He died before he could finish his sentence.
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3102
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2480 on: March 26, 2019, 01:32 AM »
Why are there no headache pills in the Jungle?
Coz the parrots eat them all.
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3102
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2481 on: March 26, 2019, 01:34 AM »
Korean OAP goes to the optician in USA.

Optician examines him and says 'You got a cataract'








'No' he replies. 'I got a Rincoln Continental'
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3102
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2482 on: March 26, 2019, 01:35 AM »
At one point during a school football match, the sports master called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes.

"So," he continued, "I'm sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, swear at and attack the referee, or call him rude names. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, "And when I call you off the pitch so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your sports master a stupid a*sehole', is it?"
Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the sports master. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1554
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2483 on: March 26, 2019, 03:06 PM »
queue sounds like q followed by 4 silent  letters but...........they are just  waiting  their  turn...

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1554
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2484 on: March 28, 2019, 03:54 AM »
a man goes to the doctors with a mystery  ailment  the doctor  asks  "do you drink to  access?" the man replied "i drink to anything"

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1554
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2485 on: March 31, 2019, 03:35 AM »
 a farmer has successfully grown  dildos in his field  but now he has trouble  with  squatters ...

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1554
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2486 on: March 31, 2019, 07:01 PM »
there was once a young lady  from bass  who had a magnificent  ass, not rosy and pink as you may all think but was gray with long ears and ate  grass,...

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3102
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2487 on: April 01, 2019, 11:57 PM »
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was drawn to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man was praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to intrude on your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A brother? your father?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3102
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2488 on: April 01, 2019, 11:57 PM »
I've got to go to a dyslexia support meeting.

Bugger that for a game of shoulders.
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3102
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2489 on: April 01, 2019, 11:58 PM »
A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers. After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.