Author Topic: Lets start with a smile  (Read 559426 times)

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2460 on: March 10, 2019, 09:19 PM »
I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia.

She leaned over and whispered......."They are right behind you"
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2461 on: March 11, 2019, 02:56 AM »
the weakest point on any  car  is the nut behind the steering  wheel....

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2462 on: March 11, 2019, 06:49 PM »
there was an old man named  Keith, who mislaid his set of false  teeth they were  laid  on a chair he forgot  they were there, sat down and got bitten  beneath...

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2463 on: March 13, 2019, 04:37 AM »
a man gets home  from the  pub, his wife said  "your  drunk" no i"m not he replied "oh yes  you are"she yelled " i tell you i am not drunk" he answered can you tell the time" she asked "sure" he said and walked up  to the clock and says  "i  am  not  drunk"...

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2464 on: March 13, 2019, 11:35 PM »
a man said  the worst pub i"have    ever been to  was called  THE FIDDLE..it realy  was a vile  inn...

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2465 on: March 14, 2019, 04:50 AM »
don"t  steal,  don"t  lie and don"t  cheat.... the government  hates  competition

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2466 on: March 19, 2019, 12:08 AM »
news  flash>>>> police  are investigating a wooden thing with a pointed end  spinning on the street...... that"s  our  top  story,...

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2467 on: March 20, 2019, 05:12 AM »
an old lady went to her lawyer to draw up her will after it was done she paid him the $100 with a crisp new bill, when she was leaving the lawyer noticed another $100 stuck to it, and he was stuck with a moral dilemma, should he tell his partner..

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2468 on: March 20, 2019, 08:08 PM »
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2469 on: March 21, 2019, 03:11 PM »
just  been on www.bigbustycoons.com..................damn those guys have some big bus companies..

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2470 on: March 21, 2019, 04:00 PM »
do  you have any experience  in child  care?  "yes  i just quit my  job at the white house"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2471 on: March 22, 2019, 07:44 PM »
i saw a police  officer  on t v  he said "we will never  forget  911" i thought you better not  its your bloody phone  number"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2472 on: March 22, 2019, 10:09 PM »
a man bought a pencil that was used by  Shakespeare but it was all chewed up so he didn"t know if it was 2b or not 2b

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2473 on: March 23, 2019, 06:37 PM »
movie  ratings  explained  G  nobody  gets the girl. PG the good guy gets the girl.. R the bad guy gets the girl.. X  everybody  gets  the girl...

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2474 on: March 24, 2019, 06:35 PM »
a man was coaching a young ice  hockey  team  when he called over a 7 year old player and said to him "do you understand what cooperation and team is win lose or draw its how we play that"s important yes  he nodded, and when a penalty is called you don"t argue curse and call the referee a pecker head do you understand  all that" "yes" said the boy. good  continued  the coach and when i call you off the ice so another boy gets a chance  to play you don"t call your coach a dumb asshole.. yes said the boy  good  replied the coach " now go over there and explain all that to your  mother"