Author Topic: Lets start with a smile  (Read 510384 times)

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2280 on: October 31, 2018, 08:10 PM »
a young boy saw a man running down  the street  with a cape  on and shouted " hey  are you a super  hero"? he yelled  back "nah i didn"t pay  for my  hair cut"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2281 on: November 01, 2018, 10:15 PM »
 a frog decided to trace his genealogy  one  day  and found out he was a tad polish 

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2282 on: November 02, 2018, 04:02 AM »
Can you take skin from your buttocks and transplant it onto someone who isn't family?

Arse skin for a friend.
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Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2283 on: November 02, 2018, 04:02 AM »
It's not so easy as you think to donate a kidney.

They ask all sorts of awkward questions, like, " Where did you get it?" and "Whose is it?"
I'm convinced 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notifications that there's a new version of itself.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2284 on: November 02, 2018, 04:03 AM »
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?


Aye matey.
I'm convinced 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notifications that there's a new version of itself.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2285 on: November 02, 2018, 04:04 AM »
What did the cowboy say in the German car dealership?

Audi.
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Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2286 on: November 02, 2018, 04:05 AM »
The wedding ceremony came to the point where the minister asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom .

The moment of utter silence was broken when a beautiful young woman carrying a child stood up. She started walking slowly towards the minister.

The congregation was aghast, you could almost hear a pin drop.

The groom's jaw dropped as he stared at the approaching young woman and child.

Chaos ensued. The bride threw the bouquet into the air and burst out crying. Then the groom's mother fainted. The best men started giving each other looks and wondering how to save the situation.

The minister asked the woman, "Can you tell us, why you came forward ? What do you have to say ?"

There was absolute silence in the church.

The woman replied, "We can't hear you in the back."

And that's what happens when people are considered guilty until proven innocent.
I'm convinced 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notifications that there's a new version of itself.

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2287 on: November 03, 2018, 09:13 PM »
a man said his  wife  didn"t speak to him for  3 days last week and he had no clue what he did to cause  it  which is a shame  because he would  like  to do it  again  next week

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2288 on: November 04, 2018, 01:02 AM »
a man sat next to a girl at the bar  he said" that"s a nice pair of jeans you are wearing i would like to get in them" she said "there"s  no need  for  that there"s  already  an asshole in them"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2289 on: November 05, 2018, 02:54 AM »
a farmer was helping  one of his cows  giving  birth and his 6 year old son sat watching on a fence. the farmer thought i will have to tell him about the birds and the bees one day  but i will let him watch and see if he has any  questions  and i will answer them so after the event  was over he went to his son and said "well do you have any questions ?"  " just one said the wide  eyed  boy how  fast  was that  calf  going  when he  hit  that  cow"?

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2290 on: November 05, 2018, 10:11 PM »
the phone  rings  a lady picks it up there"s  a pervert on the other end  breathing  heavily  and says " i bet you have a tight ass with no hair" she says " why yes i do  he is in the living room watching t v do you want me to pass the phone  to  him?"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2291 on: November 07, 2018, 07:13 PM »
 a blind  man and his dog stood on a corner waiting for the traffic to pas while they are waiting the dog pissed on the mans  leg and right away the man put his hand in his pocket got a biscuit  and waved it near the dog a lady said "why are you treating your dog after what he just?" did the man replied " i am just trying to find his head so i can kick  his ass"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2292 on: November 08, 2018, 03:57 AM »
the  secret  service  is the worst  agency in the USA..................everybody"s  heard  of  it..

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2293 on: November 09, 2018, 12:47 AM »
A man was in hospital recovering from a minor operation. His family were there and he remarked that having not made a will, he wanted to make his wishes clear 'just in case.'

"Roger, my eldest, I want you to have the Mansion and Gate House on River View Road, Jane, I want you to have the Flats on Glebe Street, Brian, you will have the houses on wood Street and I want you, my beloved wife, to have all of Edward Street and the Estate." He then spoke to his youngest who had been chatting up the nurse. "Gary my boy, we'll hopefully talk again when you are more mature and responsible.

As they were leaving, the nurse remarked to Gary "I didn't realise that your father was such a wealthy property owner." Gary replied "He's not, he's a window cleaner."
I'm convinced 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notifications that there's a new version of itself.

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2294 on: November 10, 2018, 02:58 AM »
a man wanted to get a hearing aid but told the clerk he wanted the cheapest there was. so the clerk said i have just the thing this one is only two dollars . so he put the string round the mans neck  and told him to put the little button in his ear and the other end of the string in his  pocket . " how does it work"? asked the man " it doesn't replied the clerk but when people see this they will talk louder."