Author Topic: Lets start with a smile  (Read 572490 times)

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2205 on: August 31, 2018, 01:55 AM »
Aboriginal Fire-fighters.

One dark night in the small town of Woopwoop, W.A, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames.
The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me.'
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate.

As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.

Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Baringa volunteer fire department composed mainly of Aboriginal firefighters over the age of 65.
To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Aboriginal firefighters, passed the fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Aboriginal old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives..

Within a short time, the Baringa old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.
The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was raising the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Aboriginal firefighters.
A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Aboriginal fire chief, 'What are you going to do with all that money?'

'Well,' said Chief Billy Cokebottle, the 70-year-old fire chief, 'de first ting we gonnna do is fix dem brakes on dat farkin old truck, eh!!'
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

LCGI

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2206 on: September 01, 2018, 03:09 PM »
Excellent Story...... thank you Kiwi

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2207 on: September 02, 2018, 03:53 AM »
poster inside of church................ when you enter this church you may hear the call of god , but its unlikely he will call on your cellphone... thanks for turning  your phones  off .. if you want to talk to god , enter find a quiet place and talk  to him  if you want  to see him,, text  him while  driving...

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2208 on: September 03, 2018, 03:31 AM »


Ashton Cocktail
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2209 on: September 03, 2018, 03:32 AM »
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2210 on: September 03, 2018, 03:37 AM »

My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2211 on: September 03, 2018, 03:38 AM »

My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2212 on: September 03, 2018, 03:38 AM »

My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2213 on: September 03, 2018, 03:39 AM »
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2214 on: September 05, 2018, 01:46 AM »
paddy  said to  murphy  " my mate fell off his motorbike today" " realy " replied murphy " yeah he has brain damage two broken arms and only  one  eye"  "bloody  hell" said murphy " no wonder he  came off"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2215 on: September 07, 2018, 10:36 PM »
when the store manager came back from lunch hr noticed his clerk had a bandage on his wrist , but before he could ask  about it  his clerk said "guess  what  boss i sold that ugly  suit we had for so long "  the manager said  " you mean  that blue and pink double  breasted thing i thought we would never get rid of that monstrosity"  " yeah  that one "   " well now what about  your hand" "well"said the clerk " after i sold the man the suit his seeing  eye  dog  bit  me".

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2216 on: September 08, 2018, 01:12 AM »
man in pet store "do you have any  kittens  going  cheap "  the owner replied "no sir they all go  meow"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2217 on: September 09, 2018, 01:46 AM »
the bank manager noticed the new clerk was not very good at counting money and adding up figures.  " where did you get you financial education "  he asked  " Yale " replied the lad. " and whats your name " barked the manager.   Yim   Yohnson  he replied..

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2218 on: September 11, 2018, 05:05 AM »
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

"I'm OK, but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in Surgery," he answered.

"Oh, I'm sorry...what was it he said," asked the nurse.

"Oops!"
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2219 on: September 11, 2018, 05:05 AM »
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

"A golf gun! What is a golf gun?"

"I don't know for sure yet, but it really made a hole in Juan."
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.