Author Topic: Lets start with a smile  (Read 482658 times)

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2175 on: July 22, 2018, 08:04 PM »
after  the man had his  prostate  exam the doctor  left then the nurse  walked  in and  whispered 5 words no man wants to hear "who  the hell was  he"?

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2176 on: July 24, 2018, 04:28 PM »
a man went for an interview  at ikea the manager  said "welcome  make a seat"

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2838
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2177 on: July 31, 2018, 12:29 AM »
Q…. What has four legs and one arm?

A…. A Happy Rottweiler.
I'm convinced 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notifications that there's a new version of itself.

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2838
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2178 on: July 31, 2018, 12:46 AM »
An Aussie, a Kiwi and an African American in the hospital waiting room expecting to be proud fathers for the first time very soon.

Suddenly the door to the waiting room burst open and the doctor runs in!

“Congratulations Guys! You’re all proud fathers of healthy baby boys and coincidentally they were all born with in seconds of each other!!” Say’s the Doctor excitedly. “One problem tho… in the confusion of all these births we got a little confused and we’re not sure whose baby is who’s.”

The Kiwi is out of his seat as fast as you like and into the maternity ward, immediately picking up the black baby, obviously the African American’s child, and starts to run out of the hospital.

“Wait, wait!!” shouts the doctor. “That’s definitely not your baby!!”

“I know!” yells the Kiwi on the hoof out the front door.
“… But one of the other two babies is an Aussie and I’m not taking the chance!!!”
I'm convinced 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notifications that there's a new version of itself.

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2179 on: August 03, 2018, 01:35 AM »
son " mum will you give me a dollar  if i  behave?"" why  cant  you be  good  for  nothing  like  your  father" said  mum

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2180 on: August 03, 2018, 03:38 AM »
 a man got a flat on the highway so he pulled over took out his tools from the trunk and 2 cardboard  cut outs of life size  men and put them behind the car while he started to work on the flat  oncoming traffic slowed down as they looked at the cut outs some  even waved and blew their horns which  made it safer for the man a police officer parked behind went to the man and said "what the hell are you doing" "changing my  flat"  he replied ".yeah i see that but what about those two cut outs of naked  men "  " oh they are my  emergency flashers " he replied..he  goes  to court  in two  weeks..

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2181 on: August 04, 2018, 02:00 AM »
insurance   company"s are  warning  campers  if their tent is  stolen during  the night  they  wont  be  covered..

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2182 on: August 04, 2018, 10:40 PM »
american tax payers keep paying  for trump to go on expensive trips  overseas  they  thought  it  would  be  worth  it.  but  he keeps  on  coming  back

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2183 on: August 06, 2018, 04:12 AM »
the  lord  moves  in mysterious  ways but  you  don"t  have  to...   please  use  your  blinkers..

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2184 on: August 06, 2018, 02:34 PM »
after  god created  24 hours of alternating  hours  of darkness  and  light, one of  the  angels asked  him "what  are  you  going  to do  now"? god  said "i  think  i"m going  to  call  it  a  day"

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2185 on: August 07, 2018, 09:56 PM »
the  lottery..... a voluntary tax for  the  mathematically  challenged 

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2186 on: August 08, 2018, 12:04 AM »
help  wanted

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2187 on: August 08, 2018, 06:49 PM »
a man had a vasectomy  because  he didn"t   want  to have  kids.  but when  he  got  home  they  were  still  there.

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2188 on: August 12, 2018, 08:43 PM »
 :) ;) :D ;D ::)

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1277
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2189 on: August 14, 2018, 02:44 AM »
i know  a guy who  knew  his  great  great   great  grandfather............he  stuttered