Author Topic: Lets start with a smile  (Read 572507 times)

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2385 on: February 11, 2019, 02:36 AM »

I wanted to thank everyone for sticking with me while l figured out the meaning of ďmanyĒ. It means a lot.



My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2386 on: February 11, 2019, 02:36 AM »
Not to brag, but l have this incredible talent in predicting whatís inside a wrapped present. Itís a gift.

My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2387 on: February 11, 2019, 02:37 AM »

I asked my friend Sam to sing a song about the iPhone. And then Samsung
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2388 on: February 11, 2019, 02:38 AM »
It is a little known fact that Hollywood legend Yul Brynner had personal hygiene issues. This came to light on a visit to Liverpool in the 1960s, when he was invited to watch a game at Anfield and many of those around him noticed the unpleasant odour. To this day, the crowd at Liverpool still sing...

Yul never wore cologne.
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2389 on: February 11, 2019, 02:41 AM »
Just wanted to let everyone know that I have been admitted into hospital and they are keeping me in.
I have only gone and poisoned myself.
What I thought was an onion turned out to be a daffodil bulb.
They said I should be out sometime in the spring.

My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2390 on: February 11, 2019, 02:42 AM »
A man has collapsed while riding the London Eye.


Paramedics say he is slowly coming round.

My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2391 on: February 11, 2019, 02:42 AM »
I had a medical condition which meant I could smell coconuts from 10 metres away, which was great for my 1st job as a bounty hunter.

My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2392 on: February 11, 2019, 02:42 AM »
I was walking down the road the other day and l saw this advert in the window that said, ďTV for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.Ē I thought: l canít turn that down.
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2393 on: February 11, 2019, 02:43 AM »
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2394 on: February 11, 2019, 02:45 AM »

Whatís the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is heavy and the other is a little lighter.
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2395 on: February 11, 2019, 02:47 AM »
I bought a book today called "Overcoming Kleptomania" Well, I say bought...



My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2396 on: February 11, 2019, 02:47 AM »
My mate was found guilty of overusing commas. The judge warned him to expect a long sentence.
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2397 on: February 11, 2019, 02:49 AM »
A brain and a battery walk into a pub. The barman says, " I'm not serving you two." "Why not?" says the brain. "Well," said the barman, "You're already out of your head and I'm afraid he might start something."

My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2398 on: February 11, 2019, 02:50 AM »
What do you call an underwater dog? A subwoofer.
My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2399 on: February 11, 2019, 02:50 AM »

Me: "Is this fly spray any good for wasps?" Sales assistant: "Not really. It kills them."

My pet hate is passing. When my time comes, Iím going to die, Iím refuse to ďpassĒ. I want people to say Iím dead. Brown ******* bread. Any ****** that says I passed, Iíll haunt.