Author Topic: Lets start with a smile  (Read 541473 times)

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2340 on: January 15, 2019, 01:38 AM »
Unfortunately we didn’t pluck our Christmas goose properly and now every time I go to the toilet I’m feeling down in the dumps.
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2341 on: January 15, 2019, 01:42 AM »
A flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately

"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!"

The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One..."
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2342 on: January 15, 2019, 01:44 AM »
One definition of a gentleman is "a man who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't".



The definition of perfect pitch is being able to throw a set of bagpipes into the toilet without hitting the sides, same goes for the banjo.


Followed by the banjo player.
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2343 on: January 17, 2019, 07:09 PM »
a man was pulled over for  speeding officer. can i see you driving  licence sir.  man. you guys took it of me  2 years ago  don"t tell me  you  lost  it ..

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2344 on: January 17, 2019, 10:56 PM »

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2345 on: January 17, 2019, 10:56 PM »

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2346 on: January 17, 2019, 11:03 PM »
I'm sure there's a few who'd like Donald to get this wall !!.

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2347 on: January 17, 2019, 11:03 PM »

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2348 on: January 17, 2019, 11:04 PM »

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2349 on: January 17, 2019, 11:04 PM »

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2350 on: January 17, 2019, 11:05 PM »

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2351 on: January 19, 2019, 07:50 PM »
i saw a cashier scan the  eyes  of a customer  with  her  bar code  scanner..  the look on his face  was priceless

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2352 on: January 20, 2019, 01:20 AM »
before  leaving the factory every tickle me Elmo dolls will get two  test  tickles.

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2353 on: January 21, 2019, 07:08 PM »
i know  a lot of you are sad  because its  Monday  but don"t  forget  just 48 hrs. ago it was a sadder  day

jaywit

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2354 on: January 22, 2019, 06:29 PM »
One definition of a gentleman is "a man who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't".



The definition of perfect pitch is being able to throw a set of bagpipes into the toilet without hitting the sides, same goes for the banjo.


Followed by the banjo player.

reply 2342.
addendum.
 I was trying to tell my wife about this post an almost choked every time.
I have one ,about the difference between a violin and  Viola.
Me ,having a wood burning stove know that answer.
The Viola will burn longer.