Author Topic: Lets start with a smile  (Read 555481 times)

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2295 on: November 12, 2018, 12:07 AM »
waiter. " your glass is  empty sir  would you like  another one"??  man  " why would  i want  two  empty  glasses"?

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2296 on: November 15, 2018, 04:45 AM »
some people  think Trump isn"t  doing much about  creating  jobs..  who do you think is giving all the lawyers  work?

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2297 on: November 16, 2018, 10:58 PM »
carpenter  wanted  cabinet  falling  apart ....         address    10 downing  st.

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2298 on: November 18, 2018, 01:48 AM »
a man out with a lady  on the first  date was  asked what work he  did   he said " oh i am a butcher" " have you no heart"  she replied he looked at her  and said " are you criticizing me  or placing an order?"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2299 on: November 20, 2018, 07:42 PM »
 a man was browsing  in a liquor  store when an employee  asked him "do you need any  help?" he replied  "yes but i"m here to get  whiskey  instead"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2300 on: November 22, 2018, 05:35 PM »
the small hotel was all abuzz with the wedding  of a 95 year old man and his 23 year old bride the thought was the wedding night would kill the frail  groom, but lo  and behold the following  morning the bride came down the staircase hanging on to the Bannister  with  dear  life she managed to get in the little  store and the  clerk said "good heavens what  happened to you  you look like you have been wrestling an alligator" ?  holding onto the counter she replied " when he told me  he had been saving for 70  years i thought he  meant  his  money"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2301 on: November 22, 2018, 07:31 PM »
i cant believe there is no cure for obesity yet .................. i thought  it would  be  a  walk in the  park..

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2302 on: November 22, 2018, 10:29 PM »

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2303 on: November 22, 2018, 10:30 PM »

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2304 on: November 22, 2018, 10:30 PM »
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2305 on: November 22, 2018, 10:33 PM »

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2306 on: November 22, 2018, 10:34 PM »

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2307 on: November 22, 2018, 10:35 PM »


That's the last time I lend Mrs Kiwi the car !!
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2308 on: November 23, 2018, 02:11 AM »
Possibly old and been done before, but............

I was standing next to this bloke in the changing room at the gym yesterday when a mobile phone rings. He was getting dry so he puts it on loudspeaker. I thought straight away wot a smug bastard!
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the gym?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the Trafford Centre now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It' s only 5,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2019 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "190,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking 1,950,000".
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 1,900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand.
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape... He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this f*****ng phone belongs to?"
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

KENNETHO

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Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2309 on: November 23, 2018, 04:38 PM »
why  does a cow  give  buttermilk?? what  else  can a  cow  give  but her  milk?