Author Topic: Lets start with a smile  (Read 555500 times)

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3033
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2070 on: February 22, 2018, 03:13 AM »
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3033
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2071 on: February 22, 2018, 03:21 AM »
The head brewmasters of Budweiser, Miller, and Guinness walk into a bar..

The brewmaster of Budweiser orders first and proudly asks for the most popular brew in America, a Bud Light.

The brewmaster of Miller smiles and asks for a true original, a Miller Lite.

The brewmaster of Guinness winces and orders a Diet Coke.

"A Diet Coke?!," exclaim the others.. "don't you drink Guinness?"

"Well, since no one else was having beer I didn't want to be the only one," he replied.
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3033
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2072 on: February 22, 2018, 03:23 AM »

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior"widows, are talking.

Dorothy:
"That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna:
"Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my house punctually at 7 pm, dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers ! Then he takes me downstairs and what's there ; a limousine,uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner; a marvelous dinner, lobster,champagne,dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure ! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me three times!"

Dorothy:
"Goodness gracious ! So you are telling me I shouldn't go ?"

Edna:
"No, no, no, I'm just saying wear an old dress.
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1486
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2073 on: February 23, 2018, 12:32 AM »
when  i see  trump  in the  whitehouse  i think  of those  ships  in a bottle.............how the hell did that get  in there

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1486
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2074 on: February 24, 2018, 09:16 PM »
trumps  wifes  were  immigrants.. proving  again that they will do jobs that americans  wont

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1486
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2075 on: February 25, 2018, 05:43 AM »
silence  is  golden................................. ducktape  is  silver

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3033
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2076 on: February 26, 2018, 10:00 PM »
Here we see the work of a thrifty Yorkshireman taking advantage of a rare sunny spell to use his drying apparatus.

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1486
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2077 on: February 27, 2018, 06:08 PM »
google  earth  says its that good they can read maps  backwards.....................i think thats   spam..

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1486
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2078 on: March 02, 2018, 12:14 AM »
 a city  man wanted to buy a farm he saw one he realy  liked but told the farmer he was scared of bees and there is a big nest on that tree  so thats putting me  off the farmer said those bees wont  touch you i can tie you to that tree naked  and if one bee touches you you can have the farm  for  free so the city man thought about it and said what the hec its worth a chance. so he got tied to the tree naked then after an hour or so the farmer looked out and saw the man slumped down in his bindings so he rushed out and said the bees didnt sting you  did they  no  no the man replied weakly  but doesnt  that  calf have  a mother??

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1486
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2079 on: March 04, 2018, 10:16 PM »
"when one door closes another door opens " the man said " thats all well and good" ireplied "but untill you fix it i am not buying the car"

KENNETHO

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1486
    • View Profile
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2080 on: March 05, 2018, 05:32 AM »
a msn said to the  barman" im a socialist  drinker"dont you meen a social  drinker asked the barman" 'no i only drink when someone  else pays"

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3033
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2081 on: March 07, 2018, 01:22 AM »
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3033
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2082 on: March 07, 2018, 01:22 AM »
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3033
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2083 on: March 07, 2018, 01:27 AM »
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

Kiwi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3033
  • ɐoɹɐǝʇo∀ ɯoɹɟ ɐɹO ɐᴉʞ
    • View Profile
    • Central Hawkes Bay NZ
Re: Lets start with a smile
« Reply #2084 on: March 07, 2018, 01:28 AM »
"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"