General Category > Smile, please!

Lets start with a smile

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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room,
"Why are you down here at this time of night?"
"Do you remember when I met you and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.
"Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses.
The words are not coming easily....
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car, making love?"
"Yes, I remember!" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "either you marry my daughter or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"
"I remember that too" she replies softly.
"He wipes another tear from his cheek, and says... "I would have gotten out today.

Thought I would start off the new forum with a smile (now we have smilies)  ;D ;D ;D


What's the difference between a 20 note and Ricky Hatton?

The 20 note will last more than 2 rounds!  :o

Come Come this will never do"said the choirmaster. "Open your mouths and sing boldly. We will start with ' Little drops of water' and for goodness sake-put some spirit into it!"

The choir was practicing the anthem. The choirmaster said to the trebles, "Now don't forget when the tenors reach 'The gatesof Hell' you com in."

At this evening service the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to the choir.

It was once said in America that pigs would fly if ever they had a coloured President, and what happens 100 days into his presidency?   Swine flu!!!  :D


Why Men should be Happier

Men Are Just Happier People ... What do you expect from such simple creatures
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never get pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Hell, you can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is not only appreciated by your friends, but practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.



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