Recent Posts

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91
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on April 11, 2018, 12:31 AM »
Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a university in Moscow to have a chat with the students.
He talks to them about how powerful a nation Russia is and how he wants the best for all the people.At the end of the talk there is a section for questions.

Sasha puts her hand up and says:"I have two questions.

Why did the Russians take Crimea ? and why are we sending troops to the Ukraine ?”

Putin says:"Good question".But just as he is about to answer, the bell goes, and the students go to lunch.

When they come back, they sit back down and there is room for some more questions, another girl, Misha, puts her hand up and says:

"I have four questions”"My Questions are –

Why did the Russians invade Crimea ? Why are we sending troops to the Ukraine ?Why did the lunch bell go 20 minutes early?---------------------------------------And where is Sasha?".
92
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on April 11, 2018, 12:31 AM »
Two cannibals are at an athletics event and after watching a few races one says to the other, "Fancy something to eat?"

"I'm not too hungry" replies the other, "I'll just have the starter".
93
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on April 11, 2018, 12:29 AM »
Two retired gents at the bar, discussing nothing in particular. One says to the other, " I was watching telly the other day, did you know that lions have sex three times a day!"
All of a sudden his pal starts crying into his beer.
"What on earth is the matter?"
".....oh it's nothing, it's just the other day I joined rotary.."
94
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on April 11, 2018, 12:26 AM »
The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.

The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After five years they came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen.

Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite.

There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing", an American replied. "we had our best plastic surgeons spend five years making an alligator look like a Dachshund
95
General Discussion / Re: Manchester United F.C.
« Last post by jaywit on April 10, 2018, 10:37 PM »
Thanks for that Too Shy.
It was cold waiting for the bus to Ashton in Piccadily,the sun had set and the sky was clear.
I'm small now(and the Quack said last checkup that I had shrunk!!!)
all of 5ft. 3in???

Good things come in small packages.
96
General Discussion / Re: Manchester United F.C.
« Last post by Too shy on April 08, 2018, 10:44 PM »
I went to watch City play a home game against Bradford in a FA Cup game.Been a supporter ever since. Iv'e tried to find out the year to no avail!!
I was on my dads shoulders so I was pretty young.
1938 dob.
Out of 2 sons and 4 grand sons for it's 5 to 1 for United.
Booooo!

The game in question, Jaywit, would be the Fourth Round FA Cup game between Manchester City and Bradford Park Avenue which City lost 8-2. This round was played over two legs (to create additional revenue for all clubs who participated that year and after the war years had reduced income for most clubs to almost zero). The first leg had been played on the previous Saturday (26th January 1946) and City had won 3-1. The return game (the second leg) was played on the following Wednesday (30th January 1946) and City would have been expected to add to their goal tally but, clearly, the outcome was not what would have been expected. The aggregate score (9-5) was easily enough to send Bradford into the next round.

No floodlights in those days, so the game would have been played in the afternoon. Given that we were in the depths of winter at the time, it is highly likely that there might have been a 2-00 pm kick off as any later would have meant the game finishing in darkness. Apparently, the pitch was covered in puddles and the Bradford team bus was late arriving at Maine Road having almost been stuck in the snow coming over the Pennines.

The eventual winners of the FA Cup that year were Derby County and, later that same year, the Football League competition resumed its normal format having not been played since war had been declared in 1939.

Hope this helps.
97
General Discussion / Re: Manchester United F.C.
« Last post by jaywit on April 08, 2018, 05:59 PM »
I went to watch City play a home game against Bradford in a FA Cup game.Been a supporter ever since. Iv'e tried to find out the year to no avail!!
I was on my dads shoulders so I was pretty young.
1938 dob.
Out of 2 sons and 4 grand sons for it's 5 to 1 for United.
Booooo!
98
General Discussion / Re: Manchester United F.C.
« Last post by Fudge on April 08, 2018, 10:24 AM »
Well I  will always be a City fan been a supporter for about 65 years and stuck by them through the bad and the good Go City Go Fudge
99
General Discussion / Re: Manchester United F.C.
« Last post by KENNETHO on April 07, 2018, 10:37 PM »
Oh yes very   nice I haven't seen the game as we were out but I have it recorded I will enjoy that when I get home.  Cheers
100
General Discussion / Re: Manchester United F.C.
« Last post by greeny on April 07, 2018, 07:26 PM »
Hi what a turn around united won 3-2 what a game we spoiled city party the games not over to the fat lady sings come on you reds  :) :) :) :)ï
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