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91
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on February 23, 2019, 05:00 PM »
 a wife  asked  her husband " who"s  the  fool  you  or  me?" " well honey"  he  replied "every one knows  you are  too  smart  to marry  a fool"
92
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on February 21, 2019, 06:53 PM »
i once  knew  a man  who was a workaholic,, if you mention work he would  get  drunk...
93
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on February 21, 2019, 06:29 PM »
a man bought  his  wife  a mood  ring  he said  when she is in a good  mood  it turns  green but when she is in a bad  mood  it leaves red  circles on his  forehead
94
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on February 20, 2019, 11:57 PM »
if mexico  stopped  importing  cocaine for a month, then the Americans  would be the ones  climbing  the wall
95
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on February 20, 2019, 04:36 AM »
a man picks up a can of fly spray in the hardware store and asks the clerk  "is this  good for  wasps?" "no" replied the clerk "it kills them"
96
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on February 20, 2019, 02:55 AM »
A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well, cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.

He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to s**t yourself when I tell you the price!"
97
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on February 19, 2019, 07:38 PM »
two  little  boys  at a wedding one leans over to the other  and asks " how many  wife's can a man  have"? his friend  says "sixteen four better  four worse four richer  and four poorer"
98
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on February 18, 2019, 08:24 PM »
 a 75 year old man played golf almost every day since he retired 10 years ago then one day he got home quite upset and said to his wife that"s it no more golf for me the wife feeling a little sorry for him said why whats wrong dear  well its my eyes i cant see where the ball lands. oh don"t get upset  take my brother with you but hes 85 he replied yes but his eyesight is very good.. so the next day he took the brother in law along he hits the ball from the first  tee with a mighty swing as he is trying to watch the ball he asked the brother in law  can you see the ball? of course he said my eyes are good then where did it land?  " i forget" he replied                   
99
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on February 18, 2019, 05:23 AM »
a man  told  his wife  she should start to enjoy the little things  in life  she  replied"honey i"m  not in the mood right  now  for  sex"
100
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on February 18, 2019, 12:32 AM »
Excuse my rant but I'm absolutely fuming......
My son got sent home from school yesterday.
He has been suspended for running around the girls toilets waving his willy around.
Idiotic yes but it seems he had done it for a bet.
Suspension seemed to be a bit harsh, so I rang the headmaster to explain that it was just a bit of tomfoolery gone too far.
However, he was having none of it and has stuck by the suspension.
Getting a bit peeved, I asked the head if he would rather have him thieving and smashing the school up like others I could mention.
"No", he said, "I would rather have him teaching the year 5 Geography class that he is employed to do"...........
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