Recent Posts

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12
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on April 06, 2019, 04:01 PM »
a man said after my years of working in the gym as a personal  trainer i found i wasn"t strong  enough and quit i handed in my too  weak  notice
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on April 05, 2019, 08:09 PM »
a man said he comes from a family of failed  magicians..  he has  two half  sisters
14
General Discussion / Visiting
« Last post by keith on April 05, 2019, 02:49 PM »
Hi all, I was born in Ashton and have lived in Vancouver Canada since 1972, coming back for one of my annual visits and will be in Ashton on April 12, anything good going on in the 2 weeks following that date??
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on April 04, 2019, 03:41 AM »
a man wanted to get more exercise so he was looking for a tennis  club but everyone told him it was a racket
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on April 03, 2019, 08:06 PM »
 i lost my controller  somewhere.... it must be in a remote  location
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General Discussion / Re: Adventure before Dementia
« Last post by Kiwi on April 02, 2019, 02:57 AM »
Well, it's almost 9 months since I started this thread and guess wot ??, yep we're still stuck in sunny Hastings NZ, the house sold in days but .... trying to sell the business has been (almost) as bad as Brexit, had a couple of tyre kickers that wasted several months but hopefully we'll find out in the next couple of days of a deal has finally been signed (sound familiar) so at the moment Mrs Kiwi plus me and the dawg are sweating like a paratrooper at a spelling test  :) We do have a Plan B if the current deal falls through and that'll mean we have to hang around while we get a couple of new staff members up to speed which all things considered wont be too bad coz it's almost winter down here in Noo Zild. Meanwhile I'll have to console meself with a few tins of Dandelion and Burdock which I can get from the local pound ($2) shop  ;) They even sell Tizer in cans but it's not like the stuff that came in a bottle  :-\ , the D&B is pretty authentic even though it's made in Glasgow.

We've been renting a nice ikkle cottage about 50 yards from my workplace since Chrimbo and it's quite a novelty living in town as we can walk to the shops and restaurants instead of driving half an hour each way  :) .
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on April 02, 2019, 12:02 AM »
I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia.

She leaned over and whispered......."They are right behind you".
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on April 01, 2019, 11:59 PM »
A water flooded boggy marshy meadow was being drained prior to a new housing estate being built, a large pump was fired up, and the water slowly drained away. A local nature conservation group turned up and told the builders" You have to stop pumping, there are rare species of amphibians and wild life living there, Turn off the pump, its draining rats and frogs".
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on April 01, 2019, 11:58 PM »
A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers. After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
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