Recent Posts

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11
Talking about Ashton / Re: My art exhibition
« Last post by Vanessa on September 18, 2017, 08:36 PM »
Thank you everyone, it means a lot to me. Hope you enjoy them Greeny.
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Talking about Ashton / Re: My art exhibition
« Last post by greeny on September 18, 2017, 12:13 PM »
hi great art work vanessa i will be going to see them
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Talking about Ashton / Re: My art exhibition
« Last post by LCGI on September 18, 2017, 02:38 AM »
Nice work Vanessa..... and thanks for sharing here.

Regards,

-Larry
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Talking about Ashton / Re: My art exhibition
« Last post by Fudge on September 17, 2017, 10:53 AM »
Lovely drawings you are very talented Fudge
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Talking about Ashton / Re: My art exhibition
« Last post by KENNETHO on September 17, 2017, 02:38 AM »
vanessa  that is amazing thanks for  sharing.. cheers  kennetho
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Talking about Ashton / My art exhibition
« Last post by Vanessa on September 16, 2017, 07:08 PM »
Over the last two years I've been painting scenes of Ashton and the surrounding district, all my work is now on display at the Central Art Gallery, on Old Street, upstairs from the library. It is called Ashton under Lyne Places and Tameside Landmarks, it is open from 16 September 2016 to 13 January 2017. If you decide to pay a visit please check the opening times. Here is a short video I took today.

https://youtu.be/mFH5kBoWSTw
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on September 14, 2017, 11:30 PM »
Updated Lyrics

Some of the artists of the 60’s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.

They include:

Bobby Darin :
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ a Flash.

Herman’s Hermits :
Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker .

Ringo Starr :
I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

The Bee Gees — – How Can You Mend a Broken Hip..

Roberta Flack:
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny Nash :
I Can’t See Clearly Now.

Paul Simon:
Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

The Commodores :
Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

Marvin Gaye :
Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol Harem:
A Whiter Shade of Hair.

Leo Sayer :
You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

The Temptations :
Papa’s Got a Kidney Stone.

Abba:
Dent ure Queen.

Tony Orlando :
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

Helen Reddy :
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.

Leslie Gore:
It’s My Procedure, and I’ll Cry If I Want To.

And Last but NOT least:

Willie Nelson :
On the Commode Again
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on September 14, 2017, 11:19 PM »
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack’s mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

“I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,” she explained. “I’m afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.”

“Don’t worry,” Jack said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.” The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?”

“Yes,” Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. “I have to admit that I did.”

“And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?”

Bob’s face turned red and he said, “Yeah, sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did. Why do you ask?”

“She just died and left me everything.”
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on September 14, 2017, 11:16 PM »
There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about this problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to the doctor to see what could be done.

The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough-the usual method to check for hernia.

“Aha!” mumbled the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.

“Ahhha!” said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors.

Snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.

The Doctor then told the midget to pull up his pants to see if he was still in pain. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc’s office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

“Gee, Doc, what did you do?” he asked.

The doc replied, “I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots.”
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on September 14, 2017, 11:14 PM »
Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai, so he sent out a declaration throughout the country he was searching for one.

A year passed, and only 3 people showed up: a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai, and a Jewish Samurai.

The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai. The Japanese Samurai opened a match box, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh, went his sword, and the bumblebee dropped dead on the ground in 2 pieces. The emperor exclaimed: "That is impressive!"

The emperor then asked the Chinese Samurai to come in and demonstrate his skills. The Chinese Samurai also opened matchbox, and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, Whoosh, went his sword, and the fly dropped dead on the ground in 4 small pieces. The emperor exclaimed: "That is really VERY impressive!"

The emperor then had the Jewish Samurai demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai. The Jewish Samurai also opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whooooosh, Whooooosh. But the gnat was still alive and flying around.

The emperor, obviously disappointed, asked: "After all of that, why is the gnat not dead?"

The Jewish Samurai smiled. "Well," he replied, "circumcision is not meant to kill."
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