Recent Posts

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1
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on Today at 01:38 AM »
One day at kindergarten the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give £5 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."
A little Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."

Then a little Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either."

Finally, a little Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin. Come up here and I'll give you the £5."
As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know, Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said 'Jesus Christ'."

Marvin replied, "Well, in my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business."
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on Today at 01:35 AM »
Superman, Cinderella and Pinocchio decide to have a weekend in Amsterdam. When they go out for the night they find many bars with different themes.

At one bar there is a sign saying free beer to the strongest man and his party.’

Go for it Superman say Cinderella and Pinocchio. 15 minutes later Superman comes out and says of course I won, free beer tomorrow night for us all.

About 200 metres down the street there is another sign saying free beer for the prettiest girl and her friends. Go on Cinderella they say, you are beautiful.30 minutes later Cinderella comes smiling saying I won free beer for us.

200 metres down the street there is a sign saying free beer for the worlds biggest liar. They say your a natural Pinocchio. He goes in and 60 minutes later comes out crying and rubbing his eyes. The two others ask, ‘Did you win?’

No Pinocchio said, I’m really upset.

WHO THE HELL IS TONY BLAIR?
3
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on November 22, 2017, 07:32 PM »
a teenager  lost a contact lens while playing in the driveway but after searching for a good half  hour had  no luck  so he went in and told his mum  so she walked out and found it the firt few  minutes . how did you find it so quickly ? he asked we werent looking for the same thingshe replied  you were looking for a piece of  plastic but i was looking  for150 pounds
4
Ask a question.... / Re: Mayors of Ashton
« Last post by Fudge on November 22, 2017, 12:16 PM »
Was at the Archives yesterday I have the front page cover of the Reporter I don't know if you knew he was knocked down near his home on a sunday night and he died early hours monday  he had also he was dept Mayor 1966 1967 there is a photo of him and it tells you about his career and his wife name May and son John he was 65 gives his funeral date  and were he was living his funeral was on friday 17th May 1974 Fudge
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on November 20, 2017, 01:42 AM »
a drunk in court and the judge  said you have  been  brought  here for  drinking ?. right  replied the  drunk  when  do  we  start??
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on November 20, 2017, 01:36 AM »
Have you noticed how many F1 drivers have names linked to Scottish towns?

Stirling Moss.
Lewis Hamilton.
Eddie Irvine.
Ayr Town centre.
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on November 20, 2017, 01:07 AM »
A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine. He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.

A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.

The little boy said, ‘This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it’s called Turpentine.’

The Priest said, ‘No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman’s belly, she’ll pass a healthy baby.’

The little boy replied, ‘If you rub turpentine on a cat’s arse, he’ll pass a Harley Davidson !’
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Ask a question.... / Re: Mayors of Ashton
« Last post by Fudge on November 19, 2017, 11:20 PM »
You are welcome I have had help in the past and now if I can help anyone I will  Fudge
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Ask a question.... / Re: Mayors of Ashton
« Last post by earlofrossall on November 19, 2017, 05:31 PM »
Very many thanks Fudge, that's terrific news. I am eternally grateful.
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on November 18, 2017, 09:35 PM »
 a man asked for  whiskey on the  rocks  but  hold the  whiskey   so justice  was  served
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