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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on Today at 12:32 AM »
when  i see  trump  in the  whitehouse  i think  of those  ships  in a bottle.............how the hell did that get  in there
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on February 22, 2018, 03:23 AM »

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior"widows, are talking.

Dorothy:
"That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna:
"Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my house punctually at 7 pm, dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers ! Then he takes me downstairs and what's there ; a limousine,uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner; a marvelous dinner, lobster,champagne,dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure ! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me three times!"

Dorothy:
"Goodness gracious ! So you are telling me I shouldn't go ?"

Edna:
"No, no, no, I'm just saying wear an old dress.
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on February 22, 2018, 03:21 AM »
The head brewmasters of Budweiser, Miller, and Guinness walk into a bar..

The brewmaster of Budweiser orders first and proudly asks for the most popular brew in America, a Bud Light.

The brewmaster of Miller smiles and asks for a true original, a Miller Lite.

The brewmaster of Guinness winces and orders a Diet Coke.

"A Diet Coke?!," exclaim the others.. "don't you drink Guinness?"

"Well, since no one else was having beer I didn't want to be the only one," he replied.
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on February 22, 2018, 03:13 AM »
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on February 22, 2018, 03:12 AM »

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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on February 22, 2018, 03:06 AM »
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on February 22, 2018, 03:04 AM »
A store that sells new husbands has opened. Women may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE ! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on February 21, 2018, 04:26 PM »
mary   mary   quite   contrary how does your garden  grow??  i must  beg your  pardon  they  dug up my  garden  that stuffs  illegal  you know..
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Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by KENNETHO on February 20, 2018, 07:17 PM »
mary   mary  quite   contrary  how  does  your  garden  grow?? you  silly  old   bat   i live   in  a  flat  how  the  hell  do  i  know?
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Ask a question.... / Re: Recipe for 'Tater Ash'
« Last post by burlington on February 19, 2018, 06:51 PM »
Just a thought. It takes about five minutes in a pressure cooker. Burlington.
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