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Memory Lane / Re: PUBS IN ASHTON
« Last post by greeny on Today at 10:23 AM »
hi the crowthorn  pub is now finished and they have opened as flats ,also passed the ring o bells looks like work is going on ? or they are pulling it down ?and the wood cock on newmarket road work is still going on i don't think it will be a pub any more , along with the swan at cock brook doors still shut  :(
Technical Matters / Re: Error 500
« Last post by ourjud1 on July 22, 2017, 05:33 PM »
all seems ok for me fingers crossed.
General Discussion / Re: Odds & Sods
« Last post by Son of Nomad on July 20, 2017, 10:48 AM »
Fascinating stuff Kiwi - I like finding out the origin of expressions and they are often far removed from what one imagines. I remember a tv programme about the first Queen Elizabeth where it was said she would take a bath every 3 months - whether she needed it or not. Mmmmm!
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on July 20, 2017, 02:54 AM »
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in
the face and says:
“I went by your grandma’s house today and I saw her in the hallway stark naked.
Man, she is one fine looking woman!”
The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word.
His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says:
“I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!”
The biker’s buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says:
” I’ll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!”

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says…………….

“Grandpa!…… Go home! You’re drunk!”
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on July 20, 2017, 02:48 AM »
 An Auckland couple had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed.”

The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision — why, after nine children, would they choose to do this.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in New Zealand was Chinese, and they didn’t want to take a chance on having a Chinese baby because neither of them could speak the language.
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on July 20, 2017, 02:43 AM »
A grade three teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students? what they had for breakfast.

To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.

Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, ‘E-G-G’.

‘Very good’, says the teacher.

Peter says he had toast. ‘T-O-A-S-T’.


Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him. ‘I had Bugger all’, he says, ‘B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L’.

The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer. Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.

Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada and Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada’s east coast.

When it’s Johnny’s turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question. Johnny, she asks, ‘Where is the Pakistani border?’

Johnny ponders the question and finally says, ‘The Pakistani boarder is in bed with my mother. That’s why I got Bugger all for breakfast’.
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on July 20, 2017, 02:41 AM »
A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.

A Gamekeeper shouts, ‘Dinnae drink tha waater! Et’s fu’ ae coo’s shite an pish!’

The man replies,
‘My Good fellow, I’m from England . Could you repeat that in English for me’

The keeper replies,

‘I said, use two hands – you spill less that way!!!
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« Last post by Kiwi on July 20, 2017, 02:40 AM »
An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a beer.

All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.

In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don’t need to drink from the same one twice,’ he says.

The Ocker, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.

‘Well mate, in Strailya we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don’t need to drink out of the same glass either,’ he says.

The Kiwi, cool as a cool thing, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Aussie.

He turns to the astonished barman and says, ‘In Noo Zuld mate, we have so many bloody South Africans and Aussies that we don’t need to drink with the same ones twice.
General Discussion / Re: Odds & Sods
« Last post by Kiwi on July 20, 2017, 02:19 AM »
In George Washington’s days, there were no cameras. One’s image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are ‘limbs,’ therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, ‘Okay, but it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.’ (Artists know hands and arms are more difficult to paint)

As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October) Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn’t wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term ‘big wig.’ Today we often use the term ‘here comes the Big Wig’ because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.


In the late 1700’s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The ‘head of the household’ always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the ‘chair man.’ Today in business, we use the expression or title ‘Chairman’ or ‘Chairman of the Board.’

Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee’s wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman’s face she was told, ‘mind your own bee’s wax.’ Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term ‘crack a smile’. In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . Therefore, the expression ‘losing face.’


Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in ‘straight laced’. . Wore a tightly tied lace.


Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the ‘Ace of Spades.’ To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren’t ‘playing with a full deck.’


Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV’s or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to ‘go sip some ale’ and listen to people’s conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. ‘You go sip here’ and ‘You go sip there.’ The two words ‘go sip’ were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term ‘gossip.’

At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid’s job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in ‘pints’ and who was drinking in ‘quarts,’ hence the term ‘minding your’P’s and Q’s ‘

One more and betting you didn’t know this!

In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem…how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a ‘Monkey’ with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make ‘Brass Monkeys.’ Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, ‘Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.’ (All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn’t you.)

If you don’t send this fabulous bit of historic knowledge to any and all your unsuspecting friends, your floppy is going to fall off your hard drive and kill your mouse.
Memory Lane / Re: BIRTHDAYS
« Last post by Kiwi on July 20, 2017, 12:15 AM »
Photobucket is still free as far as I can tell, just copy and paste as per usual  ;)

Edit: Just noticed a lot of older images blanked out, miserable sods  >:(
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