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Messages - Kiwi

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2971
Talking about Ashton / Re: Internet Cafes in Tameside
« on: July 06, 2009, 12:14 AM »
recomend ashton, as a hot spot holiday destination

Errr Nope  ;) But there's probably a niche market out there for a "It's not so grim oop North / Fred Dibnah style" charabanc and canal tour of the last few remaining mill buildings and various remnants of our industrial heritage complete with cowheels, tripe, pork pie and mushy peas smorgasbord at a genuine Lancashire Pub, that's if there's any pubs left  ;)

2972
General Discussion / Re: Two more Stars died today.
« on: July 02, 2009, 03:13 AM »
You can find out who's still breathing here.

2973
General Discussion / Re: Not bad for a pensioner.
« on: July 01, 2009, 08:54 AM »
You're only as old as (the woman) you feel  ;)

2974
Talking about Ashton / Re: Internet Cafes in Tameside
« on: June 30, 2009, 11:01 PM »
To be honest I didn't really know what to expect so I just wandered around trying to take everything in, it felt strange having to rely mostly on public transport which is totally impossible in Central Hawkes Bay coz we ain't got any of that stuff  :)  What did impress me was the almost total absence of graffiti, believe it or not some parts of NZ resemble the Bronx  :-[ Another thing that struck me whilst walking around town was that people seemed to try and avoid eye contact at all costs and acknowledging the existence of strangers with a 'Good Morning' or 'Howdo' was conspicuous by its absence, however when walking beside the canal up in Mossley people seemed a bit more laid back.

The changes to Ashton Moss are amazing, if I hadn't noticed the 'Snipe Inn' or been able to see Hartshead Pike I wouldn't have had a clue where I was standing, it must have been a nightmare having to live or travel around that area when all those changes were going on  :)

2975
Smile, please! / Circle the Cat
« on: June 30, 2009, 04:44 AM »
This one will drive you bonkers  ;D

Linky Thing

2976
General Discussion / Re: Is your bin stinking yet?
« on: June 29, 2009, 04:17 AM »
Just out of interest, how much are you charging the council to park all these bins on your properties ??  ;)

2977
Talking about Ashton / Re: Internet Cafes in Tameside
« on: June 29, 2009, 02:04 AM »
Another thing I found fascinating was travelling on a bus when about a dozen secondary schoolkids got on and made their way upstairs, I was thinking to myself how quiet and well behaved they were until I realised that they were all 're-charging' their heads with an i-pod, i-phone or mp4 player, either that or they were texting the kid sitting next to them  :)

Have to agree with you about the the rug-rats, they don't seem to whimper or cry any longer, they literally explode at the same decibel level as Concorde on full re-heat, usually when they're about 6ft from your lughole  :o

2978
Talking about Ashton / Re: Internet Cafes in Tameside
« on: June 28, 2009, 11:46 PM »
Hi greeny, got home (to NZ) last Wednesday after a spending about 12 days around Tameside, took my own coffee so that was ok, however I gave up looking for an internet cafe  :) there was meant to be one in Debenhams in Market St Mancland but it must have closed down coz nobody there knew anything about it, tried using the computer at Droylsden library but it wouldn't let me log into this forum for some strange reason, not too worry, it was strangely enjoyable being in a 'technological black hole'  ;)

Did the whole 'touristy' bit, Imperial War Museum, Salford Quays, Lowry, Cathederal Square, Big Wheel etc, was mostly limited to using 'shank's pony' so had a good look around the place, Museum of the Manchesters and the Tameside through the ages display next door, had a squizz at Portland Basin, walked from Mossley along the 'cut' to the Standedge Tunnel checking out most of the hostelries along the route  ;D , got soaked in thunderstorm while walking from Mottram out along past Lowry's house, walked from Manchester to Ashton along the New Road past some big soccer stadium and a weird rusty looking monstrosity that was being dismantled  ;)

One thing that I really noticed around Ashton was the number of morbidly obese ugly hippocroccagrillapigs complete with cigarette permanently hanging from one side of their pasty face,  usually seen pushing a pram along with their scrawny partner of diametrically opposite proportion along with their entourage of snotgoblins  :o

The other thing that I noticed was judging by the number or 'work aged' people of 'non-english speaking backgrounds' hanging around during the day that there must be a heckuva lot of shift work going on nowadays  ;)

2979
General Discussion / Re: Wacko Jacko ................ Toast
« on: June 26, 2009, 01:01 AM »
I can imagine, if there is such a thing as the afterlife that Elvis is giving young Michael a bit of a chinning...Mess with Mah Lisa?..........WHACK....THUMP!!...Uh, thankyuhverymuch....  :)

Jackson 5 tickets for sale, now 20% discount.

2980
General Discussion / Wacko Jacko ................ Toast
« on: June 26, 2009, 12:05 AM »
Reported as not breathing when paramedics got there, just a wild guess but it could have been solvent abuse, one sniff and his nose dissolved  ;)

It's not the first time his drug problems have got him in trouble, he was in court a couple of years back for trying a little crack.

Bit ironic really, if he waited just a bit longer he could have all the O2 he wanted  :D

Skin cancer apparently......................all together now - 'Don't blame it on sunshine don't.............  :D

People always tell me, be careful what you do
Don't go around breaking your own heart....

Somebody do better, please....  ::)

2981
General Discussion / Re: The British Government has collapsed.
« on: June 06, 2009, 05:38 AM »
I just love this 'resignation' of cabinet members, imagine if you went into work one day and told the boss that you'd resigned from your job ......... but you were still going to be hanging around the place and drawing a wage plus a shedload of other lurks and perks, unbeflippinlievable,  ??? just wish I had a boss like that  >:(

2982
Ask a question.... / Re: WHATS HAPPENING TO THE BEES
« on: June 04, 2009, 01:56 AM »
Speakers would make a world of difference when viewing those clips, anybody got a spare pair they can throw Bill's way ??  :)

2983
Ask a question.... / Re: WHATS HAPPENING TO THE BEES
« on: June 03, 2009, 11:36 PM »
Hi Bill, not really sure but this could be a cunning plan by the Aussies to get Kim Il Wotsisname to test fire his nukes at us instead of next door  ;)

Seen This ?


Or This ??

2984
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: June 03, 2009, 11:17 PM »
Stevie Wonder is playing his 1st ever gig in China and the place is packed to the rafters.

In a bid to break the ice, he asks if anyone has a request. One chap jumps out of his seat in the 1st row and shouts at the top of his voice, "Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!" Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's career, the blind impresario starts to play an e minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes.
When he finishes the whole place goes wild.

The chap jumps out of his seat again and shouts "No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord". A bit cheesed off by this, Stevie, being the professional he is, dives straight in to a jazz improvisation with his band and really tears the place apart.
The crowd go ballistic with this impromptu show of his musical expertise, but still the little Chinese man jumps up again and shouts "No, no. Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord".

Stevie is really pigged off now that this chap doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability and shouts to him from the stage,
"OK smart @rse, you get up here and do it".

The little bloke climbs onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing...



"A jazz chord to say, I ruv you..."

2985
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: June 03, 2009, 11:14 PM »
Colin the Aborigine


A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and
invited all of his buddies and neighbours.

He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns,
oysters and BBQ and flirting.


At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft man-eating
crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has
the balls to jump in.'

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and
everyone turned around and saw Colin in the pool fighting the croc,
jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing
all kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on
the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo
Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Colin and the
croc were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Colin strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead
goldfish.

Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool.

Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

The host says, 'Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'

'Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it,' said Colin.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet.
How about half a million bucks then?'

'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Colin.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was
amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?

Again, Colin said "No."

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Colin, then what do you want?

Colin said,

'I want the bastard who pushed me in.  ;)

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