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Messages - Kiwi

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1
Memory Lane / Re: Guide Bridge Mill
« on: July 12, 2018, 02:21 AM »
A belated many happy returns  :)

2
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: July 05, 2018, 04:15 AM »
Security escorted me out of the Job Centre this morning after I called them all lazy, uncaring and useless bastards.

To be honest, I hated that job anyway.

3
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: July 05, 2018, 04:13 AM »
We went to a restaurant tonight that specialised in cooking exotic animals and birds.

The Pelican was really tasty, but the bill was enormous!

4
General Discussion / Re: Manchester United F.C.
« on: July 05, 2018, 04:12 AM »
The young Thai footballers trapped in a flooded cave have been told they will need to learn to dive.

Once Brazil are knocked out of the world cup, they are going to send Neymar to teach them.

5
Memory Lane / Re: Guide Bridge Mill
« on: July 02, 2018, 10:55 PM »
I don't think it would have been mentioned  in the papers due to keeping everything  hush hush   Fudge
My thoughts exactly, loose lips sink ships and all that  ;)

6
Talking about Ashton / Re: Market webcam back
« on: June 26, 2018, 12:56 AM »
Warm enough for you yet ?  ;)

7
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: June 20, 2018, 11:57 PM »

8
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: June 20, 2018, 11:53 PM »

9
Talking about Ashton / Re: Market webcam back
« on: June 20, 2018, 11:50 PM »


Winter Solstice in Kiwi-land today, 10C showers and cold southerlies, next week looks nice with mid to high teens.
Kiwi's forecast for Ashton next week is HOT!!! HOT and getting hotter  8) 8) 8)

10
Ask a question.... / Re: Users Online
« on: June 14, 2018, 09:47 PM »
Hi Joyce, hopefully I'll still be able to post on here, haven't got round to sorting a modem and things for the new home on wheels but it should be do-able  ;)

11
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: June 14, 2018, 04:33 AM »
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his Grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.

Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony,he cuts a photo in half and mails it.

The next day he discovers that he had accidently sent the bottom half of the photo. He’s really worried but then remembers how bad his Grandmothers eyesight is,and hopes she won’t notice.

A few weeks later,he receives a letter from his Grandmother. It says:
Thank you for the photo." Change your hair style— it makes your nose look too short".

Love,

Grandma.

12
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: June 14, 2018, 04:32 AM »
An Old Florida Farmer Went To The Villages To See A Movie At The Town
Square.

The ticket agent asked, “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder.

The old farmer said, “that’s my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck
goes.”

“I’m sorry sir,” said the ticket agent, “we can’t allow animals in the
theatre.”

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his overalls…
Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theatre.

He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned
his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.

“Marge,” whispered Mildred.

“What?” said Marge.

“I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”

“What makes you think so?” asked Marge.

“He undid his pants and he has his thing out,” whispered Mildred.

“Well, don’t worry about it”, said Marge.. “At our age we’ve seen ’em all.”

“I thought so too”, said Mildred,

“But this one’s eatin’ my popcorn!”

13
Ask a question.... / Users Online
« on: June 14, 2018, 04:20 AM »
Due to my geographical location I'm often awake whilst many other members of this forum are knocking out the ZZZZZZ's while curled up in their flea-pits. It's often interesting to click on the "Users Online" to see who is logged on, usually it's KENNETHO or Jaywit or other users from the colonies in the Northern Hemisphere. Usually there's up to 30 odd people on line, even if half of these are 'bots' there's obviously a fair few still using the forum which begs the question "Who are these 'visitors' and secondly why would a handful of them want to view members profiles ??  :)



Edited to add, the times are NZ so in A-U-L time just after 4 in the morning.

14
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: June 14, 2018, 12:07 AM »
Q: What have Theresa May and a UK three pin plug got in common?

A: They are both useless in mainland Europe.

15
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: June 14, 2018, 12:02 AM »
A man was slightly injured this morning when he fell into an upholstery machine.

He's recovered now.

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