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Messages - Kiwi

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 186
1
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: April 26, 2018, 04:37 AM »
Sad news. The man who invented Velcro has died.
RIP

2
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: April 26, 2018, 04:36 AM »
I saw a guy stacking shelves at Tesco today complaining because the top shelf was broken and he couldn't keep it up.

I think he was suffering from a wrecked aisle dysfunction.

3
General Discussion / Re: ST GEORGE DAY
« on: April 25, 2018, 10:59 PM »
We have a monarchy, SON. Like it or lump it, they are the centre point of our nation. They have been there since Adam was a lad (at least since Canute, Harold, William and all those). Mock it and denigrate it as you will but it has made us the nation (or nations) that we are. I don't think President Dennis Skinner and his Consort, Diane Abbott, has the same ring about it - do you? God help us.

4
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: April 25, 2018, 10:54 PM »

5
General Discussion / Re: ST GEORGE DAY
« on: April 25, 2018, 10:29 PM »
Don't get me wrong, I'm a staunch monarchist but gizzabreak fer crying out loud it's not like it's their first ikkle rugrat, the announcement clogged up the morning news here and to top it all off NZ's PM of the MP's is up the duff and about to drop.


I'm up to pussy's bow with it all  :)

6
General Discussion / Re: ST GEORGE DAY
« on: April 23, 2018, 09:38 PM »
Woman has baby, I think I'm going to need a lie down to take in this extraordinary turn of events, bet their gutted they already used George  ;) ;) :)

7
Memory Lane / Re: Where did everyone live and when?
« on: April 23, 2018, 02:09 AM »
Very interesting Brian  ;)
I've been to Canada but it was quite unintentional, was flying from Manchester to Auckland NZ via London and Vancouver on a Virgin/Air New Zealand Star Alliance flight about 4 years ago. Checked in at Manchester but they could only issue boarding passes as far as Vancouver so when I got to Vancouver I had to pick up my bag, go through customs and immigration explaining my situation to the nice people at the immigration desk before toddling out of the airport for a breath of Canadian air and then turning round and heading for the Air NZ check in counter. Luckily I didn't need a visa ( apparently Kiwi's traveling to or through Canada nowadays need a Electronic Travel Authorisation ). I also spent a few years in Germany helping to keep Ivan's Third Shock Army on their side of the fence but never got to work alongside the Canadian Army only the cloggies, krauts and septics ;)

8
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: April 19, 2018, 02:11 AM »

9
Genealogy / Re: Tameside Mill #3 Dukinfield
« on: April 17, 2018, 10:21 PM »
Pinched from Wiki

Tameside Mills    Edward Sigley & Sons
No.3 Potts, Son & Pickup     53°28′57″N 2°04′44″W    1852    
   
Notes: Built by the Chadwick family in 1852. The main block was six storeys. It was extended in 1857, 1860 and 1872 over doubling in size in 1884 it ran 102,000 spindles for spinning and doubling. In 1884 Potts Son and Pickup built the four-storey building known as No. 3 Mill by 1920 they were 115,596 mule spindles, 14,108 ring and 10,240 doubling spindles. This large enterprise closed in 1933, and all the buildings other than the No.3 mill were demolished.

The map reference puts the location close to the River Tame off Whitelands Road close to the (now) Stagecoach depot.


10
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: April 17, 2018, 01:08 AM »
The Pope has announced that he will not pass judgement on priests who come out as gay.

In response, gay priests have said that they will not criticise the Pope for wearing mismatched robes and shoes.

11
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: April 17, 2018, 01:06 AM »
The missus phoned me the other day and the conversation went thus:
Her: “You know that Spartacus Gladiator box set that I got you?”
Me: “What about it?”
Her: “Put Volume 2 in the DVD player. Forward it exactly one hour, 16 minutes and 28 seconds.”
Me: “Right, I’ve done that”...
Her: “Okay, you see the gladiator at the front, fighting the lion!”
Me: “I can s...ee that, yeah.”
Her: “Just behind him, there are two gladiators having a sword fight with each other!”
Me: “Okay, I see them.”
Her: “Well, behind them two, on the left hand side of the screen, there’s a gladiator guarding the gate holding a spear.”
Me: “Yes! I can see him!”
Her: “Can you see his feet?”
Me: “Yes, I can!”
Her: “Right! Those are the sandals I want for my birthday!”

12
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: April 17, 2018, 01:05 AM »
A woman is sat in church at her husband's funeral. A man in the pew behind leans over and says "Do you mind if I say a word?"
"No, please go ahead" replies the widow.
The man stands up, clears his throat and says "Plethora".
"Thank you," says the widow, "That means a lot".

13
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: April 17, 2018, 01:04 AM »
A horse walks into a bar, sits down beside a donkey, and orders a pint.
"You're a big lad" says the donkey, "did you win any races?".
"I've won the Derby and the Grand National" repies the horse.
Bloody hell, thinks the donkey, how can I match that?
He pulls up a picture of a zebra on his phone and shows it to the horse.
"Who's that?" asks the horse.
"That's me when I played as striker for Juventus" says the donkey!

14
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: April 17, 2018, 01:03 AM »
I've got a brilliant step ladder. I'm just sad that I never knew my real ladder.

15
Smile, please! / Re: Lets start with a smile
« on: April 17, 2018, 01:03 AM »
A nine year old girl has been reported missing.

She was last seen using a moisturiser guaranteed to make you look ten years younger.

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